Things the violas miss about the "Old Nutcracker"

Ok, I know it's true. It's been nearly 2 months since the end of Nutcracker and I know you are thinking it - you miss the Nutcracker! Come on, admit it!
Well, if you were a member of the viola section you would miss the following things about the "Old Nutcracker"
1. The "Party Girls" dance with the dolls. We knw all the moves, and so did the French horns.
2. The painfully slow tempi (at least we could get most of the notes...)
3. The old Nutcracker with the really big white teeth.
4. Ratchets
5. The tricky maze of cords for stand lights that made the pit a fun obstacle course. (Yes, we had battery operated lights for this most recent edition.)
6. The death of the Rat King. We now find him a tad annoying after intermission.
7. The "magically soft overture" Now we have to outplay the booming voice in a battle.
8. The thick "Angel of Death" cloud tha twould spill over into the orchestra pit. You can still smell it, can't you?
9. The violin solo, "Meditation". We heard some absolutely "stunning" performances of this piece.
10. Nit picking. "At the tip!" "Bows Down!" "More crescendo!" "You missed that accent!" "That sounded more like fff instead of ff!" We believe there should be more discipline like that!
11. The Arabian Dance. Oh wait....we still do that one. But we DO miss the guy sticking his flute down his pants.
12. The aromatic stench of sulfur and the defeaning explosions from pyrotechnics. That has been replaced with the exiting "clink" of plastic swords.
And the NUMBER ONE thing the violas miss about the "OLD" Nutcracker -
...The emotioanlly charged conducting that made one pour every ounce of energy into making every note beautiful and meaningful for every performance. The conducting that unashamedly drove each phrase to its glorious climax, not daring to exhale until the music allowed, eyes rolling back, reaching for a cigarette....

Ok, maybe we did leave them in the pit too long...